1. Last night in San Francisco I was attacked by a guy who didn’t like the remarks I made about him and he hit me in the face and broke the windshield of my car with a small bat that I tried to hit him with.
2. I was stepping down out of my trailer and I missed the step and when I landed on the ground I messed up my back.
3. I wont be in today I ran into a car and need to go to the doctor’s I cant find my shoes I cant find my Son!!! There is a good show on T.V. I need to donate blood today I’m Drunk I left rubber cement next to my bed why I was sleeping and got really High I fell on a flashlight ” Butt First ” My dog ate my car keys and went to sleep and when I woke up found my self in another state.
4. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.
5. Yesterday I Caught a bad cold while vacationing in Miami, Florida. Sorry!
6. I am sorry but I will be unable to come in to work today. My agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is kicking in and I am afraid to drive today.
7. I sprained my wrist cooking dinner in the microwave last night.
8. Someone dumped a truck-load of sand in front of my driveway and I won’t be in today.
9. This is a phenomenally effective excuse, for reasons which escape me: “Sorry I’m late; I had to buy a lottery ticket.” If someone points out that you are, in fact, several HOURS late, say “oh, yeah, there was a line.”For some reason, no one ever questions you. If you are working some crap minimum wage job, “poverty” excuses are always good: “Sorry I’m late, I had to pawn my alarm clock.” or more elaborate ones involving having the gas cut off and hypothermia, and the like. This will instill such a feeling of guilt in your boss that he may not even dock your pay for the several hours in which you were not, in fact, at work!
10. I can not come to work today because I do not have any shoes.!!!
11. I’m going to be 20 minutes late, but I’ll be there. 2 Hours later. . . You’ll never believe this, but I fell asleep. I’m on my way now. The next day . . . I never did wake up, now I’m not feeling well so I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe it was too much sleep!
12. Work….I didn’t want to be late for work again today so I called in sick instead!
13. I can’t come in today because I feel sick and I can’t breath because of all the smoke in the air.
14. I can’t come to work today, my chain came off my bicycle.
15. My husband called in work to tell them he couldn’t find his cat and they took that excuse. We did find the cat though and my husband took the rest of the day off.
16. My former supervisor once called in sick because she said she had a yeast infection! A few weeks later she called in sick again and said that she had hemorrhoids! (Actually happened)
17. I have a co-worker who had to miss work because she was breaking the ice in her freezer with a knife and hit the ________ (official name) that gives the freon to the freezer and her fridge was leaking freon. As this is a hazardous substance, she had to stay home and wait for the HazChem people to arrive.
18. The blankets were too heavy for me to lift so I was stuck in bed all day.
19. A girl at work who always seemed to miss work a lot came up with this good one. She lived with her parents and her parents were on vacation. She told the boss she had to leave early because her parents were out of town and the dogs, the cats, and the bird did not like to be left home alone. So, the boss let her go home.
20. I went to Mexico last night with some friends and on the way back across the border we got detained by the police. They took us to the station and questioned us and kept us up all night, but they finally let us go in the morning.
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Hey!! blanket one was awesome.. too hilarious