For workers working on Computer/Internet
1) The internet connection is very slow, I had given a command but its not responding.

2) My computer has a virus in it and it deletes my files automatically.

3) My PC hands too much and I can’t even save my work before restarting. Thats why I am not able to work today.

4) I had completed all the work and was just about to bring it to you. But when I inserted my pen drive, the PC crashed.

5) My email account is not logging in – I am sure the tech department has messed it up.

For workers working without Computers
1) My right hand is paining too much. It got stuck in the office door today morning.

2) As I entered office today, I slipped and thus my entire leg is paining.

3) I got a severe head ache as soon as I started working and therefore I am not able to concentrate.

4) I am not feeling well and was just about to come to you to ask about today’s leave.

1) I was not feeling well and when I consulted my doctor he advised a complete bed rest.

2) Yesterday we had a religious ceremony at home.

3) All our relatives came to our home to discuss about my cousin’s marriage.

4) My mom and dad had some urgent work and they left me with my little brother/sister to take care of him/her.

5) My cycle/car got a flat tire (punchered) as I was on my way to school and thus was late to reach the class.

6) I got up really late today because of household works last night and thus could not get ready on time.

7) Our neighbor’s pet/ relative was seriously ill and I had to take him to hospital.

8 ) We all celebrated my grandmother/grandfather’s birthday/anniversary.

9 My class book was torn to pieces by my younger bro/sister and yesterday I went to get a new book with my mom.

10) My father had some urgent work so I had to take my mother to an important meeting.

1) I have a Personal situation and I don’t think I will be able to make it up for the party. This excuse works almost every time because people find it ill mannered to ask about personal situations and thus you can use this excuse and no body will dare ask you what your problem is. This only fails in case of close friend or relative’s party or where we are too informal.

2) If personal situation fails then health matter will save you. Just say you have a severe headache, stomachache, flu or any other minor health issue which takes atleast a good night sleep to cure itself. Don’t take names of big diseases or conditions and embarrass yourself.

3) You can also say that you had a very urgent appointment with your doctor or with your dad/mom/grandparent’s doctor and can’t skip that today.

4) You had committed to your Parents that today you will help your young brother/sister in his/her studies.

5) You had a family dinner today and all your relatives are coming and it won’t be possible for you to skip the dinner for the party.

6) My boyfriend/ girlfriend has some important issue to solve today so I will be with him/her.

7) My boyfriend/girlfriend has planned a romantic dinner today, thus I won’t be able to make up for the party.

8 ) My young sister/brother is alone tonight at home and I have to be with him/her to look after him/her.

9) I have to complete an important assignment today and give presentation tomorrow morning.

10) Today my grandfather is celebrating his birthday and we are all going out for a dinner/lunch and thus I won’t be able to come to party.

2) I was deleting people off my list whom I have not contacted in last 6 months. Sorry I didn’t mean to delete you I meant to delete the person below you.

3) I think you changed your profile pic and I accidentally thought your were some one else.

4) I am fed up with Facebook and thus I will delete all my contacts in few days. If I ever come back on FB, I will add you again.

5) My facebook account got hacked and now I am not able to login.

(9) I can’t come to office today because my father is seriously ill and he is in a hospital. I’ve got be there when he shows his testamentary.

(8) My doctor has advised to take a day’s rest; I seem to have been suffering from ergophobia. (Ergophobia = fear of work)

(7) Today I came an hour early but on finding that no one there I left.

(6) I’ve got only two underwears. My dog ate the first one and the second is stinks like hell.

(5) Today is the day when our great Maharishi Sadguru Avatar Sri Ravinder Paul Rahim Ram Gonçales Ji came on Earth from his heavenly abode and I’m going to his ashram to participate in the celebration of this great event.

(4) The electricity is out since last night and I can’t get my car/motorbike out because I’ve got an electric garage.

(3) Last night thieves broke into my grandmother’s house and now the poor lady is suffering from HIV/AIDS. She needs someone to take care of her.

(2) I’m going to visit my parents in the village because according to the professor Hans Schmidt, the probability of a terrorist attack on urban areas is significantly higher than in the rural areas between Mondays to Fridays.

(1) I’ve got a better job…

(9) I’ve just realized that we are planets apart.

(8) I’ve joined Mossad now and I just don’t want to put your life in danger by being close to you.

(7) I’ve always loved your brother/sister since the day I saw him/her. I made friends with you to be close to your brother/sister and now I think is the time I tell him/her what I feel.

(6) I’m feeling all cloudy since the moment I heard that you were at the market with another guy/gal. This relationship demands a revision. (a lie!)

(5) Now that they have decriminalized homosexuality, I don’t need to pretend to be what I’m not.

(4) Let’s face it! We just can’t go on lying to each other forever… I hope you got what I’m talking about.

(3) Heavens know that you are sweet but I’m looking for a bad boy/girl.

(2) It true that I was looking for a girl like my mom but not someone who is her age.

(1) You are like a moped, it is fun riding you but you know how embarrassing it is to be in the public with a moped!!

(9) Didn’t one of the Commandments read “Thou shan’t do anything of Sundays.”?

(8) My friends call me Judas, how can I go to church?

(7) How can you go to a church when the second most powerful being in the whole universe doesn’t want you to?

(6) Isn’t it more comfortable to listen to sermon at your home on your computer?

(5) “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34

(4) I promised myself last night I’ll only go to church after I’ve left smoking.

(3) Hasn’t God anything better to do than keep a record of the every single deed the six billion of us do?

(2) Because the church made my ex-girlfriend believe a virgin could have a baby.

(1) I don’t want to tell my child I still believe the world was created in six days.

(9) I didn’t realize when my car crossed the speed limit because I was too busy, as a good Christian, trying to tell the driver of that yellow car that his indicators weren’t functioning.

(8) I got a call from a friend and he said my wife was cheating on me. I want to get home before the guy leaves.

(7) It is my friend’s car and he is leaving the country tomorrow.

(6) It wasn’t me. A pedestrian came out from nowhere, hit my car and went under it.

(5) Don’t you understand a simple thing: If I had my glasses I’d have read what is on the speedometer and not crossed the speed limit?

(4) I’m finding it difficult to control the gas pedal. I fell off the stairs and broke my ankle… I’m going to the hospital.

(3) License!!! (While pretending to search for your wallet) Oh my God! I’m sorry officer but I’m afraid I threw my wallet at the last petrol pump.

(2) Pardon monsieur! Vous parlez Français? Je ne parle pas anglais. (Sorry officer! Do you speak French? I don’t speak English.)

(1) I come from the USA and I didn’t know 60 kilometers/hour doesn’t mean 60 miles/hour.

(9) My father had a nervous breakdown and he cut all my notebooks to make little paper dolls.

(8) I got my head caught in the power window of the car and had to spend the entire night in the garage.

(7) I’m suffering from Ergasiaspitiouphobia (fear of homework) and could find a doctor to treat that disease.

(6) I was doing my homework while on my way too school when a gust of wind blew it out of the window.

(5) Homework!!! Won’t you thank God that we all survived the yesterday evening earthquake??

(4) I was about to begin doing my homework but mysteriously it got dark outside.

(3) I caught my thing in the zipper and had to go to a doctor; the entire evening was spent at doctor’s clinic.

(2) Am I supposed to bring my homework to school?

(1) How can you go mad over something I didn’t even do?

(9) I told my accountant to pay the taxes, hasn’t she done that yet?

(8) I’ve just had a divorce and the emotional trauma was so much that I didn’t remember to pay my taxes.

(7) And a friend of mine told me I couldn’t pay the taxes for 2010 without paying the returns for the previous three years.

(6) My church tells me it is a sin to accept the authority of non-religious (secular) governments.

(5) I belong to a minority community; I get special privileges from the government.

(4) The situation in my family caused me to lose sight of the obligation to pay taxes.

(3) My grandmother died last week.

(2) My son/daughter is applying for the college and I can’t pay taxes before I know how much would it cost to send him/her to college?

(1) The government’s policies are immoral and I don’t want to be a part of this by helping the government by paying it my hard earned money.