1. Last night we had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed!
2. I cant come to work today because the city is paving my street and I cant get out!
3. Actually used (and believed) when I was working in Toronto. “You’ll never believe it! I said with a straight face, I was heading here with plenty of time to be on time, when my car tires got stuck in the streetcar tracks! Now, I could drive forward and backwards but I couldn’t turn off the tracks. I continued. Now I knew I couldn’t safely stay there, so I did the only thing I could. I said, I had to drive all the way down to the rail yards and (finally) drive out free at the barns. Just to top it off, I continued, I’m sure you know how far away the rail yards are from work. I took me an extra half hour just to drive back! That’s why I was late for work.”
4. I am not coming in because I tried to dye my hair blonde, but it came out green!
5. I’m not coming to work to day because my computer has got a virus. And my computer means more to me then this job.
6. Well, you see, my boyfriend’s friend’s cousin, her mother is a total flake and her three kids are getting taken away by CPS and she is going to jail, and my boyfriend is working, his cousin is out of town and so you can see that I have to stay home and watch them.
7. I won’t be able to come to work next week . Were trying for a baby and the doc says next week is the best chance.
8. I won’t be able to make it to work today due to my Aunt flying in from ______________, you see, she has one arm and two pieces of luggage and really needs me to be there for her.
9. I lost my car keys skiing and I can’t leave until I find them!
10. I’m sorry I was late, I forgot to look at my watch!!!
11. The pharmacy is making up some cream for me today – so I won’t be in to work.
12. My assistant called in with this one. “I cant come to work today because my cat is lonely and stressed out and if I don’t spend quality time with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture!”
13. I’m going to be late today. I was taking out the trash at my girlfriends apartment this morning when the bag ripped open and spilled garbage on my clothes. I’ll have to go home and do my laundry because this was my last clean shirt.
14. Friends of mine were performing in a band. They had a really important gig one Friday night. I knew this date and told my boss that I could not work late that night. Well me asked me that night to work late. I told him with a straight face. Sorry sir I have to go to a bar tonight and listen to some bad music.
15. A former coworker called in with this one: After a bad storm, her electricity was off. She called to tell us she couldn’t come to work because she couldn’t get her car out of the garage because she had an electric door opener and no electricity. She lived too far out to catch a ride with someone else.
16. I can’t come in to work today. When I woke up, I looked in the mirror and I saw a gray hair.
17. The babysitter didn’t show up today so I cant come in to work.
18. Sorry for not coming into work yesterday. I had the making up for everyone else but me taking time off from work flu!
19. I won’t be into work today, or anymore. I just got a letter saying that I may have won 20 million dollars.
20. One day, a co-worker failed to show up at work. As the day progressed, people got increasingly concerned, as he never called in. Finally, around 2:30 or 3:00, someone called him to find out where he was and what had happened. His story: his toilet had exploded and he was waiting for a plumber!